its here.

Oh those summer nights
so wild, and free.
outside on a summer night
is where i want to be.
don't dare send me away
i still have so much to see
so much to hear, to smell, to feel
and the crickets, they're calling for me.
outside is where i spend all night
the moon has so much to share
so big and bright,
its beauty too much to bare
each star has its own story
the evening breeze,
proclaims Gods glory
don't find me inside on a summer night
outside is where i belong
singing life's peaceful song
ill indulge myself into the night
so far from life
but don't worry ill come back strong

i own rusty spoons,
i think they fell off of one of the moons,
its a gift from above,
the aliens sending me their love,
rusty spoons are so rare, when i think about it,
it stiffens my hair, because just to think that they came from up there,
makes them spoons im not willing to share,
because the truth is no one will care,
because finding believers is really rare.

Beautiful Nonsense

sometimes all it takes is to just get away
to be alone
drink some good coffee
listen to music
and your mind erupts
and your soul is overtaken with passion
that is when your heart creates the words you have been searching for this whole time

sometimes all it takes is just to look around
see the people around you, what they are capable of
people are beautiful
life is beautiful
embrace it, cherish it, live it
be alive
and not only for yourself but for others as well
help others have a pleasant visit on earth just by your presence

irradiate love, joy, passion, peace
be sympathetic, live for others

forget yourself, and only then will you find yourself

sometimes all it takes is time
time away from technology
time to embrace creation
to embrace all that surrounds you

open your eyes child
life is so much more

don't be afraid to let people in
let them peek inside your heart and soul
and let them be inspired

its okay to feel
its okay to fall
just make sure you get back up

be truthful
be honest;
with yourself, with others

don't miss your chance to let people know how you feel

tell people they are beautiful and tell them why

touch lives with your presence

give hugs, give kisses, embrace

find fulfillment in little things
find fulfillment in God

search for God
never stop
never let go
don't let the world drown you
keep swimming

cry, laugh, smile, yell

as long as you're real
as long as you're alive
don't let them take hold of you
don't let them destroy you

sometimes look up
sometimes close your eyes
but never look back

don't let hard times bring you down
let them make you stronger

don't let your mistakes define you
but let your imperfections make you different
don't be afraid of being different
be weird sometimes
be crazy
as long as you're passionate
as long as you're all in
body, mind, soul..
eloped in God

don't let your looks define your beauty
let your heart
the way you live
you way you love

remember, life isn't easy
but that's what makes it worth living
that's what makes it worth fighting for

make sure your scars heal
and make sure you're prepared for new ones

you were put on this earth to make beauty
to let God be seen
don't lose your chance
don't let your purpose go to waste

be beautiful
be you
be thankful
be true
let God define who you are
and who you are meant to be.

Conversation with God

Just trust, he whispers in my heart. Take a deep breath and let it all go. Let me handle it and let me guide you.
And next time, he says, talk to me about it.
I`ll always be there to listen and consult; but have your heart open to listen too.

So I did, I layed it all down before him, and he now was handling my life. I no longer had fear, and my doubts were replaced with strong confirmation.
He's the only one who will NEVER let me down, so that's where I rest, in his strong arms. There, I can face anything that comes my way.

find your value in Christ.
nothing else
dont let others determine who you are
dont let others decide for you
but decide on Christ
and he will make you the best you can be
and to be a creation, child, of God
someone who resembles him,
thats the coolest thing!
something that makes life worth living
something that makes good worth trying
let Christ decide,
its easier.

Sometimes all it takes is just to be alone
To put everything aside and to just breathe
Look up at the sky, at the trees and the birds
And see the beauty
The beauty of life
Sometimes all it takes is just to be a little bit old school
Just sit there with nothing else to do but think and observe
That's all it takes sometimes to help you find purpose and meaning in life
That's all it takes to bring back the sight of things you used to see but lost grasp of
Love life
Live life
Enjoy life
Don't make it chase you
Make it lead you along the path

who are you when you are alive

theres so much untold
so much unexpressed to the people in my life
being on the verge of death encouraged me to cherish every person
to be thankful for them
and to make sure they knew that
to make sure they know i love them
to prove it not only with words
but with actions

i am blessed to have so many amazing people fill my life
every single one of them had an impact
every one so special
and i love them all
if i had the opportunity to meet and become friends with everyone in the world
i would,
sometimes i just wanna squeeze everyone with love

i have an amazing family, more than i could ask for, i would never replace them, ever.
and my friends, they are part of that family, so dear to me.
my church, is a big blessing, and everyone in it, all the children, teens, parents, elders, leaders.

i guess we need moments like these,
the verge of death moments
to remind us how blessed we are
to help us evaluate our lives
and maybe even change them
it reminds us to live fuller, love more, and to let people know how mucch they mean to you.

and someday ill die,
i hope that i could be forgiven for any pain or confusion i caused to anyone
I love you all, whether you seem close to me or not.

Lost souls.

i had my first personal encounter with telling a person about Christ today
everything feel into place so smoothly
on my drive home from choir i was debating whether i still had strength to go to the gym today
i guess i decided that i would use every last ounce of it that i had and i headed to the gym
i didn't do much there, just some running and stretching
afterwards i was debating whether i wanted to go to the sauna or not
but something led me there
i came in and there was a friendly man sitting there, he welcomed me in with a cheerful hello
and asked me where my "brother" is
a boy that i know from church, who isn't really my brother, that he figured out today
i had no clue that God was going to take control of this situation
the conversation went smoothly, the man asked me where i was from and i told him that i am from Russia
then i went on talking about the three Slavic baptist churches in our city
sooner or later i was telling him what a Slavic baptist was
and then asked him what he believed in.

oh poor confused man, he doesn't know what the truth is so he decided to believe in spirituality, a little bit of every religion.

So i told him about Christ, that i don't live by a religion, i live by a relationship.
he told me a lot of confusing things, and i just sat quietly and listened, praying.

there was another lady in the sauna, Russian Christian, God was working through us both

the man left the sauna with the words "its all fascinating isn't it?"

and i just smiled and encouraged him to give Gods word another try
and he told me that we weren't finished.

i drove home with lots of emotion and realizations
i realized that once you let go and give your life to God,
he leads you, and places you in unexpected but amazing places
he speaks through you
i don't remember our exact conversation, but all i know, is that if God wasn't speaking through me, i would have been completely lost

i learned that Gods timing is perfect.
what if i didn't go to the gym, what if i didn't go to the sauna
what if i worked out longer, or less time
but no, it so happened that God led me to this man.

And i shall pray for his soul, because if God confronted me with it, i want it to be saved, and i pray that the seed that God planted in his heart today, will grow in faith and trust in God.

The greatest moments in life are ones that cannot be described with words

Take advantage of the chances your given.

Here's to the kids that are always running
I am one who is always running
No matter what happens we`re running running running
Running from problems
Running from fear
Running from things we don't want to hear
We run when things get hard
When everything falls apart
We run when we`re confused
When we`ve got too much to lose
Running from pain
Running from lies
From things that hurt our eyes
and it seems that's all we can do
Run from yourself and everyone else too
Its seems as if running`s the answer
That if we run things will go by faster
and when someones a runner, that's all they can do
So before u hurt them, think twice
They`ll run from you too

why are we so scared
why are we so scared of what people think
why do we even care
why do we regret
why are we so slow to forgive
why don't we tell people how we feel
why do we fear change
why are we so fast to hate and so slow to love
why are we so fast to judge and so slow to care
why do we just give up, for if we  just waited a bit longer, something beautiful would have evoked
why don't we cherish
why don't we explore
where is the passion
where is the fire
where is LIFE
why do we waste time
why do we hide
why do we ignore
why do we lie

when you realize how little time we have on this earth
your eyes are opened to how pointless all these things are
and you try to run from them
and that's when you realize how much you need God
because this list, that's human nature
thats disgusting me
and that is the reason why I hold on to Christ so tightly
because he can erase all these questions
and makes us a blank page
where he then can write a new beautiful story
and we then don't have to wonder anymore
because he is the answer
and the source of all things good
The closer you get to him, the more fearless you become
you learn to love the unlovable
and you learn to accept and understand everything that comes your way
its when you give your life into his hands
when he transforms all these whys, and makes you into something so beautiful, something you could never become on your own.

Everyone could use a Lifesaver

Every sailor knows
that every sea has a storm
but still they set sail
facing the unpredictable
and at first,
they believe that the trip will go smoothly
for the skies are clear
and the waves are small
they forget that any second, trouble may come
and then when an unexpected storm comes
they aren't prepared
so they panic
and drown.

Why the trouble in my heart
I long for peace
Why the weakness in my feet
I long for strength
Why the sorrow in my soul
I long for joy
Why the blindness in my eyes
I long to see
Why the emptiness inside
I long for love

But why is there longing in my mind
when I have received

The peace
When troubled
The strength
When weak
The Joy
When there was sorrow
The sight
When couldn't see
The love
When i had none
And a promise .. for a life longing free.

Rest

I dare you to drift off into that deep zone
where pretty pictures play on the screens of your eyelids
where the secrets you've not yet discovered
become known
and where fear's mysterious ways are triggered into reality
I dare you to take a step into the land of dreamers
where every sleeper lands
when the moon is high, above the sky.

The sad thing about this world is that most of the time we fear man more than we fear God
even though we know we are all mere belongings of God
not men.

Faith is just like bungee jumping
anytime you go down
something always lifts you back up
you cant see the force
but you can feel it

Father

When I'm drowning
I'll offer you my hand
and you'll take it
no matter how dirty I am
when I'm lost you'll have to show me the way
without you
I wont last a day

Forgotten Unfinished Lyrics

[ lyrics written by 15 year old me and music made up by Sveta Romanyuk, we sang this song everytime we were together, but we kept forgetting or losing the chords for almost every song we wrote so we lost sight in our "music industry" ]

It seems as if we're living in a fog

and every day as we get up

 trouble showers us like rain

(chorus) 

but i know of a better way 

so let me say

shine your light, shine it bright

and with every passing day 

let us press on towards the sky

and with our hearts on fire

we will show people the way

But then sometimes our life journey seems so long

sometimes staying on the straight path 

is the hardest thing to do

as you go just keep your eyes set on the goal

because soon we'll be together

on the streets all filled with gold

(Chorus)

so this is the better way

so sing with me 

shine your light, shine it bright

and with every passing day 

let us press on towards the sky

and with our hearts on fire

we will show people the way

*******************************************************************************i

I go through each day
I read and I pray
but its hard to be like Jesus
in all of my ways
cause I'm not a perfect person
i make many mistakes

Chorus:
its the choices you make
that make life this way
but i say just chose Jesus
and nothing else will matter
cause he mends every heart
that's every been shattered

so what do I do
to pull myself through
there's so many distractions
preventing me from you
still I want to be an example
of the living truth

Bridge:
let go of what's holding you back
find Jesus don't look at the past
you'll get there i promise you that
find Jesus and he'll rid the weight off your back
he'll rid you of sorrow and pain
just look and he'll show you the way

(15 years old)

*********************************************************************************

When your friends have left your side
and you have no one else to cry to
you just look up at the sky
and be happy cause ill always
be there beside you

(chorus)

my child ill always be your friend
from the beginning, the middle to the end
ill be your shoulder to cry on
and ill chase away your fears
you'll never be alone

When your worn out and your tired
and you don't know who to run to
ill just send you a little smile
you'll know that no one can love you
like i do

when you have something to share
but there's no one who will listen
and it seems like life aint fair
keep in mind what I told you
let your spirits be risen

Bridge:

even through the toughest storm
you just call out to me
say Jesus I need you
and you'll hear me
just listen for my quiet whisper

in 2010

happiness
we all think we have it
we all say we have it
such liars
and people fall for the acts we put on
when deep down inside
they do the exact same play of a role

and we often wonder
where can i find this entriguing feeling people call happiness?
we search miles and miles
and still cannot seem to find it

is it something we recieve?
something we work for?
something we have to find?

we think happiness only works for big things
i have money
i must be happy
i have somewhere to live
yes, i suppose i am happy

and the little things
the things that spark the fire of happiness
we dim and hide away
those things dont matter
they are but a spec of dust in our lives

foolish people that we are

dont you see the little boy
no home
no family
no warmth
but he still has a smile on his face thats says
i have hope
and that
is happiness

what about the girl who gets bruised
by the untrue images people hammer upon her
but she looks up at the sky everynight
knowing
i have someone who loves me
he gave up his life for me
i am happy

and if only we were stripped of all our belongings
we would learn of happiness
for we would grasp tightly to the hand
which poured out blood for our life
and only then we would see that

nothing else in the world
nothing
can bring you happiness like the grasp of the one
who is the creator of happiness itself.