who are you when you are alive

theres so much untold
so much unexpressed to the people in my life
being on the verge of death encouraged me to cherish every person
to be thankful for them
and to make sure they knew that
to make sure they know i love them
to prove it not only with words
but with actions

i am blessed to have so many amazing people fill my life
every single one of them had an impact
every one so special
and i love them all
if i had the opportunity to meet and become friends with everyone in the world
i would,
sometimes i just wanna squeeze everyone with love

i have an amazing family, more than i could ask for, i would never replace them, ever.
and my friends, they are part of that family, so dear to me.
my church, is a big blessing, and everyone in it, all the children, teens, parents, elders, leaders.

i guess we need moments like these,
the verge of death moments
to remind us how blessed we are
to help us evaluate our lives
and maybe even change them
it reminds us to live fuller, love more, and to let people know how mucch they mean to you.

and someday ill die,
i hope that i could be forgiven for any pain or confusion i caused to anyone
I love you all, whether you seem close to me or not.

Lost souls.

i had my first personal encounter with telling a person about Christ today
everything feel into place so smoothly
on my drive home from choir i was debating whether i still had strength to go to the gym today
i guess i decided that i would use every last ounce of it that i had and i headed to the gym
i didn't do much there, just some running and stretching
afterwards i was debating whether i wanted to go to the sauna or not
but something led me there
i came in and there was a friendly man sitting there, he welcomed me in with a cheerful hello
and asked me where my "brother" is
a boy that i know from church, who isn't really my brother, that he figured out today
i had no clue that God was going to take control of this situation
the conversation went smoothly, the man asked me where i was from and i told him that i am from Russia
then i went on talking about the three Slavic baptist churches in our city
sooner or later i was telling him what a Slavic baptist was
and then asked him what he believed in.

oh poor confused man, he doesn't know what the truth is so he decided to believe in spirituality, a little bit of every religion.

So i told him about Christ, that i don't live by a religion, i live by a relationship.
he told me a lot of confusing things, and i just sat quietly and listened, praying.

there was another lady in the sauna, Russian Christian, God was working through us both

the man left the sauna with the words "its all fascinating isn't it?"

and i just smiled and encouraged him to give Gods word another try
and he told me that we weren't finished.

i drove home with lots of emotion and realizations
i realized that once you let go and give your life to God,
he leads you, and places you in unexpected but amazing places
he speaks through you
i don't remember our exact conversation, but all i know, is that if God wasn't speaking through me, i would have been completely lost

i learned that Gods timing is perfect.
what if i didn't go to the gym, what if i didn't go to the sauna
what if i worked out longer, or less time
but no, it so happened that God led me to this man.

And i shall pray for his soul, because if God confronted me with it, i want it to be saved, and i pray that the seed that God planted in his heart today, will grow in faith and trust in God.