People have asked me why I don't blog anymore, and honestly I don't have a specific reason. Maybe its lack of inspiration, the struggle to put my thoughts together, laziness?
But it's fall and it's the perfect time to be inspired so I have decided to write..something, anything, and just go with it.
Ill write what comes to mind, and share it with those who might care. No revisions, just a rough draft of my thoughts.
So beware.
To begin, I want to say that my life couldn't be better, I'm so blessed and so thankful. I have everything I could ever need and so much more. I've had so many amazing opportunities and growths, Ive made so many memories and truly have nothing to complain about.
But life Isn't always flowers and rainbows and I haven't always seen things this way, its taken a lot to get to this place, and day by day I'm still getting there.
Nowadays, people look at our snapchats, instagrams, facebooks and decide they know us. They decide how happy we are and how amazing our life is based on just pictures and videos.
But really, we all forget that people only show the best parts of their lives on social media. No one wants to see the other parts of life that aren't so perfect; when we are sad, stressed, or doing nothing.
I guess we forget that no ones is perfect, and just because a picture may be perfect, the moment might not be. We all have imperfect moments, bad days. We all go through things, its life.
I've had days filled with sunshine and days filled with pouring rain. And each season in my life has gotten me to where I am today.
I guess I just want to share those bad days with you guys, because everyone should know that we all have them and they aren't alone.
-I guess I'll start off with what I struggled with most: comparison, no sense of direction, the feeling that my life is going nowhere.
There's so many expectations; get married, go to college, get a well paying career, have an amazing home with perfect furniture, have perfect clothes, perfect hair, perfect relationships.
Social media just got to me, and for a moment in my life it brainwashed me into feeling like I had to live up to those standards, and I just couldn't keep up.
It took a breakdown for me to realize that life shouldn't be that way. I've learned to take life day by day, seeking opportunities and taking them, trusting God. I've learned to be content with who I am and what I've made of my life. I reminded myself that God expects us to be thankful no matter what we have and where we are in life.
I stopped looking at other people's lives with want and jealousy but with happiness for them, and realization that everyone is different, everyone has their own story, and that's what makes life amazing. I remember that life isn't about materialistic things, and it makes everything so much easier.
-Alongside that, I've had days where I felt like I was letting everyone down, and with that I felt I was mostly letting God down.
Getting married and moving away comes with lots of changes, and with that it's easy to make mistakes, it's easy to lose sight of yourself, and miss what you used to have.
But moving out of a small town into a big one, meeting new people who are different than what you're used to, is obviously going to change you in a way or another.
Theres the need to fit in, a need to be liked, and a desire to find your place.
As difficult enough as it is, with that, there's the stress of standing your ground in your beliefs and who you are.
And with every change or mistake that I made people started to look at me differently, and judge every move I made.
I mean it's whatever, we all do it, I catch myself all the time.
But I realized that we should just give each other some slack and instead of judging, or bashing on each other, we should be there for each other and lift each other up. There's always a reason behind people's actions, and maybe sometimes all people need is a nice gesture, or reminder that they are not alone.
It's hard to please everyone, make everyone happy. But as long as we focus on growing, learning from our mistakes, and moving forward, it shouldn't matter what people say, as long as you're trying your best to improve your relationship with the Lord.
But with all this being said, and I know I'll be contradicting myself, I also learned be open to criticism. At least from those I trust.
Because we don't always see the whole picture. So it's our job not to take people's words so negatively and use them to evaluate our lives and see what positive changes we need to make.
I learned it the hard way, because I do not take criticism well, but in the end it opened my eyes and gave me the desire to be better for myself and for the Lord.
-Another thing I've struggled with, is with so much change, came the need to fill the empty holes in my life.
I found myself struggling to keep up with old relationships, struggling to contact those I love or used to be close with, I would be scared they forgot about me or that things would be different. I got the idea that no one cares anymore.
But I had to learn to move on, keep those people in my heart and focus on the now. I wouldn't change who I was and the way I grew up for anything. But I had to learn that things won't be like that anymore. Everyone changes, everyone grows up, and everyone moves on.
I guess all my struggles derive from the big changes in my life. But I learned that I am where I need to be, and people come and go, but they all make an impact and I'm thankful for all of them.
- I guess that's all that came to my mind for now, and like you probably noticed, It's not always coffee dates, traveling, hiking, and fun for me.
There's inner struggles, outer struggles, adjustments, and lots of work.
But thats what Im thankful for most, I know that no matter what I go through, no matter how many rainy storms pass my life, i'm always left with rainbows. Sometimes I look at my life and all I could do is smile, because all the good things in my life surpass the bad.
Through all the hard times we only grow into something better. Flowers don't just grow overnight, they take time. So that's what I'm doing... day by day I fall, but I always get back up.
So that's where I am in life, growing, exploring, changing. I might not be who I was, but that's okay, because people aren't meant to stay in one place. Sometimes we have to be born out of the dirt, rained on by many storms until we could be beautiful. It's a long process, and it might be a never ending one, but each moment of it is so amazing.
I also hope we can all remember that life's best moments are not in the pictures we take. The best moments are when the phone and camera is not there. The sincere smiles, laughs, intimate moments. The moments when you embrace your surroundings, and really take in the view. The sunsets you don't post because you're so blown away with them, the coffee dates you don't post because you're too busy talking. I'm trying to appreciate that. I envy those people who aren't so attached to their phones, and I'm trying to get there.
So there we go.. a mini, shortened, update on my life right now.
It really is amazing,
and I hope you realize that even if it might not always feel like it,
yours probably is too.
So thanks for reading, I hope I can start posting a lot more and about way more interesting things, so give me a chance and you might learn something new.
Love, Vika Kay <3
(shoutout to my amazing husband who sticks with me through it all, who supports me and loves me, and makes my life a never ending adventure )
