You never know what you had until its gone
and the sad part is
we act like we don't even care
we waste moments
waste days
and we forget
that our days are short and limited
we forget to let people know we love them
we forget to forgive
we forget to say we're sorry
we forget to embrace
and cherish

and before we knew it
its too late
each opportunity has blown away in the wind

For if i love
i love unconditionally
no exceptions
no matter what
if they beat me
or spit in my face
if they pierce my heart
i will love in every circumstance
until the last beat of my heart
and if you ever took a step to be part of that heart
my love will now forever consume you
even when you close your eyes to it

My human mind
merely cannot comprehend
how perfection
could be so in love
with the most flaw filled being

we humans
we fail
fall
hurt
complain
hate
sin

yet we are showered with love every day

do you see it?
are your eyes open?

we are blinded by the imperfections in our hearts
but if we were to truly see
the beauty of perfection
we would never be thirsty again

how could this be?
that someone with a heart so dirty , with a mind so ugly
is so precious to the most holy

how could this be?
that the blood of perfection was shed
merely to make human perfect before its eyes
to wash out the past, the dirt, each flaw

and from then
no matter the failure
no matter the falling
as long as the soul believes

we are made perfect before the eyes of perfection

and from then
how could a believing soul
not be filled with tears of pure joy
not be overflowing with love
and not reach out day by day

in order to just have a glimpse of this perfection

i guess i just dream and fantasize too much
and when reality hits
it hurts
maybe i overdo everything
over the top
love over the top
hurt over the top
if im excited
im too excited
if im upset, its more than i should be
my life is like an exploding volcano
No predictions
No control
my mind is the same way
i dont know if its healthy
but all i know is
id rather be that than numb
id rather care too much than be ignorant
id rather feel to much than be cold
i dont know my right place
i dont know the right way to live
but maybe sometimes,
thats even okay,

Gods mysterious ways

sometimes
he surprises us with the ways unexpected
he sits us on a roller coaster and fills our hearts with that butterfly feeling
he lets us feel thrill and excitement
and in the instabilities of emotion in our lives
he shows us that WE're not in control but HE is

other times
out of our own fault he no longer holds our hands
hes fought hard enough and decides to save us by letting go
he lets us choose our own path
in which the end result is failure, disappointment, and captivity by our own selves
and in this state of weakness
God shows us that without him we cannot go on
without him we cannot go at all

when we get out of hand
he sets up invisible mirrors everywhere we go
and then we get so ashamed of the reflection
that we come to realization of how much mercy we need
and that's when we cherish Gods grace and forgiveness at our best ability

when we fall off course
and no longer have a destination
he puts roadblocks in our way so that we can no longer keep going
and have no choice but to turn around and go the direction of God
that's when he shows us that hes the only own

When our life is filled with sunshine and smiles
and God seeps through his blessings day by day
when our eyes are open to the beauty of life with God
he gives us room for growth through thankfulness
and he shows us that with him life is Good

Gods ways aren't always easy, his ways aren't always smooth
but as long as we realize that they are done out of love
we will always end up going his direction
and knowing that, is pure joy
because in the end
life without God is no life at all

its here.

Oh those summer nights
so wild, and free.
outside on a summer night
is where i want to be.
don't dare send me away
i still have so much to see
so much to hear, to smell, to feel
and the crickets, they're calling for me.
outside is where i spend all night
the moon has so much to share
so big and bright,
its beauty too much to bare
each star has its own story
the evening breeze,
proclaims Gods glory
don't find me inside on a summer night
outside is where i belong
singing life's peaceful song
ill indulge myself into the night
so far from life
but don't worry ill come back strong

i own rusty spoons,
i think they fell off of one of the moons,
its a gift from above,
the aliens sending me their love,
rusty spoons are so rare, when i think about it,
it stiffens my hair, because just to think that they came from up there,
makes them spoons im not willing to share,
because the truth is no one will care,
because finding believers is really rare.

Beautiful Nonsense

sometimes all it takes is to just get away
to be alone
drink some good coffee
listen to music
and your mind erupts
and your soul is overtaken with passion
that is when your heart creates the words you have been searching for this whole time

sometimes all it takes is just to look around
see the people around you, what they are capable of
people are beautiful
life is beautiful
embrace it, cherish it, live it
be alive
and not only for yourself but for others as well
help others have a pleasant visit on earth just by your presence

irradiate love, joy, passion, peace
be sympathetic, live for others

forget yourself, and only then will you find yourself

sometimes all it takes is time
time away from technology
time to embrace creation
to embrace all that surrounds you

open your eyes child
life is so much more

don't be afraid to let people in
let them peek inside your heart and soul
and let them be inspired

its okay to feel
its okay to fall
just make sure you get back up

be truthful
be honest;
with yourself, with others

don't miss your chance to let people know how you feel

tell people they are beautiful and tell them why

touch lives with your presence

give hugs, give kisses, embrace

find fulfillment in little things
find fulfillment in God

search for God
never stop
never let go
don't let the world drown you
keep swimming

cry, laugh, smile, yell

as long as you're real
as long as you're alive
don't let them take hold of you
don't let them destroy you

sometimes look up
sometimes close your eyes
but never look back

don't let hard times bring you down
let them make you stronger

don't let your mistakes define you
but let your imperfections make you different
don't be afraid of being different
be weird sometimes
be crazy
as long as you're passionate
as long as you're all in
body, mind, soul..
eloped in God

don't let your looks define your beauty
let your heart
the way you live
you way you love

remember, life isn't easy
but that's what makes it worth living
that's what makes it worth fighting for

make sure your scars heal
and make sure you're prepared for new ones

you were put on this earth to make beauty
to let God be seen
don't lose your chance
don't let your purpose go to waste

be beautiful
be you
be thankful
be true
let God define who you are
and who you are meant to be.

Conversation with God

Just trust, he whispers in my heart. Take a deep breath and let it all go. Let me handle it and let me guide you.
And next time, he says, talk to me about it.
I`ll always be there to listen and consult; but have your heart open to listen too.

So I did, I layed it all down before him, and he now was handling my life. I no longer had fear, and my doubts were replaced with strong confirmation.
He's the only one who will NEVER let me down, so that's where I rest, in his strong arms. There, I can face anything that comes my way.

find your value in Christ.
nothing else
dont let others determine who you are
dont let others decide for you
but decide on Christ
and he will make you the best you can be
and to be a creation, child, of God
someone who resembles him,
thats the coolest thing!
something that makes life worth living
something that makes good worth trying
let Christ decide,
its easier.

Sometimes all it takes is just to be alone
To put everything aside and to just breathe
Look up at the sky, at the trees and the birds
And see the beauty
The beauty of life
Sometimes all it takes is just to be a little bit old school
Just sit there with nothing else to do but think and observe
That's all it takes sometimes to help you find purpose and meaning in life
That's all it takes to bring back the sight of things you used to see but lost grasp of
Love life
Live life
Enjoy life
Don't make it chase you
Make it lead you along the path

who are you when you are alive

theres so much untold
so much unexpressed to the people in my life
being on the verge of death encouraged me to cherish every person
to be thankful for them
and to make sure they knew that
to make sure they know i love them
to prove it not only with words
but with actions

i am blessed to have so many amazing people fill my life
every single one of them had an impact
every one so special
and i love them all
if i had the opportunity to meet and become friends with everyone in the world
i would,
sometimes i just wanna squeeze everyone with love

i have an amazing family, more than i could ask for, i would never replace them, ever.
and my friends, they are part of that family, so dear to me.
my church, is a big blessing, and everyone in it, all the children, teens, parents, elders, leaders.

i guess we need moments like these,
the verge of death moments
to remind us how blessed we are
to help us evaluate our lives
and maybe even change them
it reminds us to live fuller, love more, and to let people know how mucch they mean to you.

and someday ill die,
i hope that i could be forgiven for any pain or confusion i caused to anyone
I love you all, whether you seem close to me or not.

Lost souls.

i had my first personal encounter with telling a person about Christ today
everything feel into place so smoothly
on my drive home from choir i was debating whether i still had strength to go to the gym today
i guess i decided that i would use every last ounce of it that i had and i headed to the gym
i didn't do much there, just some running and stretching
afterwards i was debating whether i wanted to go to the sauna or not
but something led me there
i came in and there was a friendly man sitting there, he welcomed me in with a cheerful hello
and asked me where my "brother" is
a boy that i know from church, who isn't really my brother, that he figured out today
i had no clue that God was going to take control of this situation
the conversation went smoothly, the man asked me where i was from and i told him that i am from Russia
then i went on talking about the three Slavic baptist churches in our city
sooner or later i was telling him what a Slavic baptist was
and then asked him what he believed in.

oh poor confused man, he doesn't know what the truth is so he decided to believe in spirituality, a little bit of every religion.

So i told him about Christ, that i don't live by a religion, i live by a relationship.
he told me a lot of confusing things, and i just sat quietly and listened, praying.

there was another lady in the sauna, Russian Christian, God was working through us both

the man left the sauna with the words "its all fascinating isn't it?"

and i just smiled and encouraged him to give Gods word another try
and he told me that we weren't finished.

i drove home with lots of emotion and realizations
i realized that once you let go and give your life to God,
he leads you, and places you in unexpected but amazing places
he speaks through you
i don't remember our exact conversation, but all i know, is that if God wasn't speaking through me, i would have been completely lost

i learned that Gods timing is perfect.
what if i didn't go to the gym, what if i didn't go to the sauna
what if i worked out longer, or less time
but no, it so happened that God led me to this man.

And i shall pray for his soul, because if God confronted me with it, i want it to be saved, and i pray that the seed that God planted in his heart today, will grow in faith and trust in God.

The greatest moments in life are ones that cannot be described with words

Take advantage of the chances your given.

Here's to the kids that are always running
I am one who is always running
No matter what happens we`re running running running
Running from problems
Running from fear
Running from things we don't want to hear
We run when things get hard
When everything falls apart
We run when we`re confused
When we`ve got too much to lose
Running from pain
Running from lies
From things that hurt our eyes
and it seems that's all we can do
Run from yourself and everyone else too
Its seems as if running`s the answer
That if we run things will go by faster
and when someones a runner, that's all they can do
So before u hurt them, think twice
They`ll run from you too

why are we so scared
why are we so scared of what people think
why do we even care
why do we regret
why are we so slow to forgive
why don't we tell people how we feel
why do we fear change
why are we so fast to hate and so slow to love
why are we so fast to judge and so slow to care
why do we just give up, for if we  just waited a bit longer, something beautiful would have evoked
why don't we cherish
why don't we explore
where is the passion
where is the fire
where is LIFE
why do we waste time
why do we hide
why do we ignore
why do we lie

when you realize how little time we have on this earth
your eyes are opened to how pointless all these things are
and you try to run from them
and that's when you realize how much you need God
because this list, that's human nature
thats disgusting me
and that is the reason why I hold on to Christ so tightly
because he can erase all these questions
and makes us a blank page
where he then can write a new beautiful story
and we then don't have to wonder anymore
because he is the answer
and the source of all things good
The closer you get to him, the more fearless you become
you learn to love the unlovable
and you learn to accept and understand everything that comes your way
its when you give your life into his hands
when he transforms all these whys, and makes you into something so beautiful, something you could never become on your own.

Everyone could use a Lifesaver

Every sailor knows
that every sea has a storm
but still they set sail
facing the unpredictable
and at first,
they believe that the trip will go smoothly
for the skies are clear
and the waves are small
they forget that any second, trouble may come
and then when an unexpected storm comes
they aren't prepared
so they panic
and drown.

Why the trouble in my heart
I long for peace
Why the weakness in my feet
I long for strength
Why the sorrow in my soul
I long for joy
Why the blindness in my eyes
I long to see
Why the emptiness inside
I long for love

But why is there longing in my mind
when I have received

The peace
When troubled
The strength
When weak
The Joy
When there was sorrow
The sight
When couldn't see
The love
When i had none
And a promise .. for a life longing free.

Rest

I dare you to drift off into that deep zone
where pretty pictures play on the screens of your eyelids
where the secrets you've not yet discovered
become known
and where fear's mysterious ways are triggered into reality
I dare you to take a step into the land of dreamers
where every sleeper lands
when the moon is high, above the sky.