These few days it seems that about every Christian blogger I follow decided to share their thoughts on Halloween. And that is totally cool, I love reading different opinions and comparing them to that of my own, but this year I will not be sharing my thoughts on Halloween, I want to talk about another topic that has nothing to do with celebrating Halloween but it's something that is a big aspect of it.
The biggest part of halloween is that people get to choose to be a different identity, they get to be someone else for one night.
Talk about "identity theft" (pun intended).
Anyways, It got me wondering why people find so much pleasure in being someone other than themselves, and it made me realize that "identity theft" is something that I have struggled with pretty much my whole life.
I'm sure every person, at least once in their life, has thought about who they are, what their purpose is, and where they belong. Well for me, that journey was a long messy one.
I spent my life riding a self esteem roller coaster, always struggling with self image, always striving to be someone prettier, someone cooler, someone better. And even though I always pretended that I didn't care, deep down inside I always had the need to be accepted and acknowledged. As a teenager I actually spent time thinking about whether I wanted to stick to being a nerd, a jock, a girly girl, and so on. I even struggled with deciding on a clothing style; should I dress sporty, girly, indie, classy or grungy? Looking back I realize how ridiculous that is, but it shows just how lost I was.
Then as I got older, I no longer felt the need to categorize myself as something, but I started to struggle with something even worse. With time, I began to find it hard to love myself, and be happy with who I was. I began to constantly doubt myself, and compare myself to others, I lost sight of who I was and who I was made to be. I thought things would change when I got married, but for some reason they only got worse; I became even less confident, and even more confused about who I am. This struggle affected my marriage, my service, my growth and nothing good came out of it.
But I am so thankful for my husband because he has been so supportive and helpful through all of it. Even more so I am so thankful that I know God, because this would be a journey to darkness if it weren't for Him. Even though I didn't always see it, God has been by my side every step of the way, always picking me back up when I fell. There were times when I wasn't close to Him and didn't let Him help me, but He always found a way back into my heart, He always directed me to the right path.
I'm sharing this personal struggle not because I want pity or attention but because I want to remind people, just as God reminded me, that there is always a way out in Him. We all have different journeys, different weaknesses; But we all have one God. And He has showed me that I no longer need to feel the need to identify myself as something, I no longer need to feel the need to feel accepted by people. God wants me to identify myself in Him, to identify myself as His. When you let God decide who you are, then you no longer need to worry about the approval of others. GOD made us, therefore He made us beautiful and perfect in every way. Sure, we are filled with sin, but in our core we share an identity with God. He made us in HIS image. How amazing is that? I just wanted to remind everyone that if there are ever days when you start to doubt yourself, when you lose sight of who you are, just set your eyes up above and He will remind you.
I am a sinner, I will fall again, but I will never stop trying to get better and I will never let go of this truth. Our identity in God is a gift. We should hold on to it with all that we have. It is the passport to a better life. I experienced first hand living without this passport. And it just assures me that much more that there is nothing better in this world than to have an identity in someone greater than life itself, to be confident in Him, and to know who we are in Him.