As soon as you get married, everything about you that you try to push back as far away as you can comes out in the open. Everything you had boxed up for so many years suddenly blows up in your face. And you're left with cleaning up the mess. At least in my story.. all those boxes of mine started to overflow and they recently erupted. Things got to the point where I couldn't recognize myself; I unleashed everything I tried to hide. I knew I was always stubborn, and hard to get through to, but I never thought it was this bad.
But God is good and I guess He wanted me to start the new year with a fresh closet so He reminded me that it's bout time to clean mine up.
God entered that closet and started throwing away all those things that took up room. And I stood before those things and I couldnt wait to get rid of them. There were things that showed my insane stubbornness, my insecurity, things that proved I hate being told what to do, and things that showed I could get very annoying when I'm not OK with something. All things I'm super ashamed of. And I realized all these things led to one bigger struggle. For the longest time I had a hard time submitting to my husband, I didn't like that I didn't have full control of my decisions and life anymore, and I got frustrated when something didn't go my way. I didnt understnad why I had to do what he said and why I had to obey him. But God showed me that there is nothing wrong with receiving help, and guidance in life, especially from someone who loves me very much and only wants what's best for me. Thats what marriage is for, to share your life with someone, and grow together. And I guess I just realized how important it is to REALLY give your life to that someone. So I'm cleaning up the mess I made, and I pray to start this new year with a goal of letting go and trusting my husband in the decisions he makes for our family. God reminded me how important it is to be humble and that sometimes staying silent is better than saying anything. He reminded me that when I made my vows, I vowed to listen, and respect my husbands needs. Marriage involves a lot of breakage, good breakage. It isn't easy but in the end it's worth it. Because once God helps me get on the right direction, I become a better wife, a better friend, and a better servant of my Father. I don't know if I'm the only wife struggling with this, but if I'm not.. then I encourage us to submit, to humble ourselves, and be confident in it. Lets be confident in our husbands, let's raise them up, and help them by becoming our better selves. I'm so thankful for such a loving and forgiving husband and I hope to prove to him with each day that I can be even better than who I was the day before. As I grow closer to the Lord, and as I clean up my closet I hope to become a better wife.
And remember, we are all sinners, no one is perfect, not us nor our husbands. But we can always be better. Things won't always go smoothly and our boxes might fill up again, but as long as we get back on our feet and tidy up again, we will have happy husbands, and happy lives. I know I'm a nube, and I'm still new to this wifey thing, but being a wife is amazing, and I see that more and more each day.