theres so much untold
so much unexpressed to the people in my life
being on the verge of death encouraged me to cherish every person
to be thankful for them
and to make sure they knew that
to make sure they know i love them
to prove it not only with words
but with actions
i am blessed to have so many amazing people fill my life
every single one of them had an impact
every one so special
and i love them all
if i had the opportunity to meet and become friends with everyone in the world
i would,
sometimes i just wanna squeeze everyone with love
i have an amazing family, more than i could ask for, i would never replace them, ever.
and my friends, they are part of that family, so dear to me.
my church, is a big blessing, and everyone in it, all the children, teens, parents, elders, leaders.
i guess we need moments like these,
the verge of death moments
to remind us how blessed we are
to help us evaluate our lives
and maybe even change them
it reminds us to live fuller, love more, and to let people know how mucch they mean to you.
and someday ill die,
i hope that i could be forgiven for any pain or confusion i caused to anyone
I love you all, whether you seem close to me or not.
11/06/2012
11/05/2012
Lost souls.
i had my first personal encounter with telling a person about Christ today
everything feel into place so smoothly
on my drive home from choir i was debating whether i still had strength to go to the gym today
i guess i decided that i would use every last ounce of it that i had and i headed to the gym
i didn't do much there, just some running and stretching
afterwards i was debating whether i wanted to go to the sauna or not
but something led me there
i came in and there was a friendly man sitting there, he welcomed me in with a cheerful hello
and asked me where my "brother" is
a boy that i know from church, who isn't really my brother, that he figured out today
i had no clue that God was going to take control of this situation
the conversation went smoothly, the man asked me where i was from and i told him that i am from Russia
then i went on talking about the three Slavic baptist churches in our city
sooner or later i was telling him what a Slavic baptist was
and then asked him what he believed in.
oh poor confused man, he doesn't know what the truth is so he decided to believe in spirituality, a little bit of every religion.
So i told him about Christ, that i don't live by a religion, i live by a relationship.
he told me a lot of confusing things, and i just sat quietly and listened, praying.
there was another lady in the sauna, Russian Christian, God was working through us both
the man left the sauna with the words "its all fascinating isn't it?"
and i just smiled and encouraged him to give Gods word another try
and he told me that we weren't finished.
i drove home with lots of emotion and realizations
i realized that once you let go and give your life to God,
he leads you, and places you in unexpected but amazing places
he speaks through you
i don't remember our exact conversation, but all i know, is that if God wasn't speaking through me, i would have been completely lost
i learned that Gods timing is perfect.
what if i didn't go to the gym, what if i didn't go to the sauna
what if i worked out longer, or less time
but no, it so happened that God led me to this man.
And i shall pray for his soul, because if God confronted me with it, i want it to be saved, and i pray that the seed that God planted in his heart today, will grow in faith and trust in God.
everything feel into place so smoothly
on my drive home from choir i was debating whether i still had strength to go to the gym today
i guess i decided that i would use every last ounce of it that i had and i headed to the gym
i didn't do much there, just some running and stretching
afterwards i was debating whether i wanted to go to the sauna or not
but something led me there
i came in and there was a friendly man sitting there, he welcomed me in with a cheerful hello
and asked me where my "brother" is
a boy that i know from church, who isn't really my brother, that he figured out today
i had no clue that God was going to take control of this situation
the conversation went smoothly, the man asked me where i was from and i told him that i am from Russia
then i went on talking about the three Slavic baptist churches in our city
sooner or later i was telling him what a Slavic baptist was
and then asked him what he believed in.
oh poor confused man, he doesn't know what the truth is so he decided to believe in spirituality, a little bit of every religion.
So i told him about Christ, that i don't live by a religion, i live by a relationship.
he told me a lot of confusing things, and i just sat quietly and listened, praying.
there was another lady in the sauna, Russian Christian, God was working through us both
the man left the sauna with the words "its all fascinating isn't it?"
and i just smiled and encouraged him to give Gods word another try
and he told me that we weren't finished.
i drove home with lots of emotion and realizations
i realized that once you let go and give your life to God,
he leads you, and places you in unexpected but amazing places
he speaks through you
i don't remember our exact conversation, but all i know, is that if God wasn't speaking through me, i would have been completely lost
i learned that Gods timing is perfect.
what if i didn't go to the gym, what if i didn't go to the sauna
what if i worked out longer, or less time
but no, it so happened that God led me to this man.
And i shall pray for his soul, because if God confronted me with it, i want it to be saved, and i pray that the seed that God planted in his heart today, will grow in faith and trust in God.
10/30/2012
9/06/2012
Here's to the kids that are always running
I am one who is always running
No matter what happens we`re running running running
Running from problems
Running from fear
Running from things we don't want to hear
We run when things get hard
When everything falls apart
We run when we`re confused
When we`ve got too much to lose
Running from pain
Running from lies
From things that hurt our eyes
and it seems that's all we can do
Run from yourself and everyone else too
Its seems as if running`s the answer
That if we run things will go by faster
and when someones a runner, that's all they can do
So before u hurt them, think twice
They`ll run from you too
I am one who is always running
No matter what happens we`re running running running
Running from problems
Running from fear
Running from things we don't want to hear
We run when things get hard
When everything falls apart
We run when we`re confused
When we`ve got too much to lose
Running from pain
Running from lies
From things that hurt our eyes
and it seems that's all we can do
Run from yourself and everyone else too
Its seems as if running`s the answer
That if we run things will go by faster
and when someones a runner, that's all they can do
So before u hurt them, think twice
They`ll run from you too
9/05/2012
why are we so scared
why are we so scared of what people think
why do we even care
why do we regret
why are we so slow to forgive
why don't we tell people how we feel
why do we fear change
why are we so fast to hate and so slow to love
why are we so fast to judge and so slow to care
why do we just give up, for if we just waited a bit longer, something beautiful would have evoked
why don't we cherish
why don't we explore
where is the passion
where is the fire
where is LIFE
why do we waste time
why do we hide
why do we ignore
why do we lie
when you realize how little time we have on this earth
your eyes are opened to how pointless all these things are
and you try to run from them
and that's when you realize how much you need God
because this list, that's human nature
thats disgusting me
and that is the reason why I hold on to Christ so tightly
because he can erase all these questions
and makes us a blank page
where he then can write a new beautiful story
and we then don't have to wonder anymore
because he is the answer
and the source of all things good
The closer you get to him, the more fearless you become
you learn to love the unlovable
and you learn to accept and understand everything that comes your way
its when you give your life into his hands
when he transforms all these whys, and makes you into something so beautiful, something you could never become on your own.
why are we so scared of what people think
why do we even care
why do we regret
why are we so slow to forgive
why don't we tell people how we feel
why do we fear change
why are we so fast to hate and so slow to love
why are we so fast to judge and so slow to care
why do we just give up, for if we just waited a bit longer, something beautiful would have evoked
why don't we cherish
why don't we explore
where is the passion
where is the fire
where is LIFE
why do we waste time
why do we hide
why do we ignore
why do we lie
when you realize how little time we have on this earth
your eyes are opened to how pointless all these things are
and you try to run from them
and that's when you realize how much you need God
because this list, that's human nature
thats disgusting me
and that is the reason why I hold on to Christ so tightly
because he can erase all these questions
and makes us a blank page
where he then can write a new beautiful story
and we then don't have to wonder anymore
because he is the answer
and the source of all things good
The closer you get to him, the more fearless you become
you learn to love the unlovable
and you learn to accept and understand everything that comes your way
its when you give your life into his hands
when he transforms all these whys, and makes you into something so beautiful, something you could never become on your own.
8/31/2012
Everyone could use a Lifesaver
Every sailor knows
that every sea has a storm
but still they set sail
facing the unpredictable
and at first,
they believe that the trip will go smoothly
for the skies are clear
and the waves are small
they forget that any second, trouble may come
and then when an unexpected storm comes
they aren't prepared
so they panic
and drown.
that every sea has a storm
but still they set sail
facing the unpredictable
and at first,
they believe that the trip will go smoothly
for the skies are clear
and the waves are small
they forget that any second, trouble may come
and then when an unexpected storm comes
they aren't prepared
so they panic
and drown.
Why the trouble in my heart
I long for peace
Why the weakness in my feet
I long for strength
Why the sorrow in my soul
I long for joy
Why the blindness in my eyes
I long to see
Why the emptiness inside
I long for love
But why is there longing in my mind
when I have received
The peace
When troubled
The strength
When weak
The Joy
When there was sorrow
The sight
When couldn't see
The love
When i had none
And a promise .. for a life longing free.
I long for peace
Why the weakness in my feet
I long for strength
Why the sorrow in my soul
I long for joy
Why the blindness in my eyes
I long to see
Why the emptiness inside
I long for love
But why is there longing in my mind
when I have received
The peace
When troubled
The strength
When weak
The Joy
When there was sorrow
The sight
When couldn't see
The love
When i had none
And a promise .. for a life longing free.
Rest
I dare you to drift off into that deep zone
where pretty pictures play on the screens of your eyelids
where the secrets you've not yet discovered
become known
and where fear's mysterious ways are triggered into reality
I dare you to take a step into the land of dreamers
where every sleeper lands
when the moon is high, above the sky.
where pretty pictures play on the screens of your eyelids
where the secrets you've not yet discovered
become known
and where fear's mysterious ways are triggered into reality
I dare you to take a step into the land of dreamers
where every sleeper lands
when the moon is high, above the sky.
8/30/2012
Forgotten Unfinished Lyrics
[ lyrics written by 15 year old me and music made up by Sveta Romanyuk, we sang this song everytime we were together, but we kept forgetting or losing the chords for almost every song we wrote so we lost sight in our "music industry" ]
and every day as we get up
trouble showers us like rain
(chorus)
but i know of a better way
so let me say
shine your light, shine it bright
and with every passing day
let us press on towards the sky
and with our hearts on fire
we will show people the way
But then sometimes our life journey seems so long
sometimes staying on the straight path
is the hardest thing to do
as you go just keep your eyes set on the goal
because soon we'll be together
on the streets all filled with gold
(Chorus)
so this is the better way
so sing with me
shine your light, shine it bright
and with every passing day
let us press on towards the sky
and with our hearts on fire
we will show people the way
*******************************************************************************i
*******************************************************************************i
I go through each day
I read and I pray
but its hard to be like Jesus
in all of my ways
cause I'm not a perfect person
i make many mistakes
Chorus:
its the choices you make
that make life this way
but i say just chose Jesus
and nothing else will matter
cause he mends every heart
that's every been shattered
so what do I do
to pull myself through
there's so many distractions
preventing me from you
still I want to be an example
of the living truth
Bridge:
let go of what's holding you back
find Jesus don't look at the past
you'll get there i promise you that
find Jesus and he'll rid the weight off your back
he'll rid you of sorrow and pain
just look and he'll show you the way
(15 years old)
*********************************************************************************
When your friends have left your side
and you have no one else to cry to
you just look up at the sky
and be happy cause ill always
be there beside you
(chorus)
my child ill always be your friend
from the beginning, the middle to the end
ill be your shoulder to cry on
and ill chase away your fears
you'll never be alone
When your worn out and your tired
and you don't know who to run to
ill just send you a little smile
you'll know that no one can love you
like i do
when you have something to share
but there's no one who will listen
and it seems like life aint fair
keep in mind what I told you
let your spirits be risen
Bridge:
even through the toughest storm
you just call out to me
say Jesus I need you
and you'll hear me
just listen for my quiet whisper
I read and I pray
but its hard to be like Jesus
in all of my ways
cause I'm not a perfect person
i make many mistakes
Chorus:
its the choices you make
that make life this way
but i say just chose Jesus
and nothing else will matter
cause he mends every heart
that's every been shattered
so what do I do
to pull myself through
there's so many distractions
preventing me from you
still I want to be an example
of the living truth
Bridge:
let go of what's holding you back
find Jesus don't look at the past
you'll get there i promise you that
find Jesus and he'll rid the weight off your back
he'll rid you of sorrow and pain
just look and he'll show you the way
(15 years old)
*********************************************************************************
When your friends have left your side
and you have no one else to cry to
you just look up at the sky
and be happy cause ill always
be there beside you
(chorus)
my child ill always be your friend
from the beginning, the middle to the end
ill be your shoulder to cry on
and ill chase away your fears
you'll never be alone
When your worn out and your tired
and you don't know who to run to
ill just send you a little smile
you'll know that no one can love you
like i do
when you have something to share
but there's no one who will listen
and it seems like life aint fair
keep in mind what I told you
let your spirits be risen
Bridge:
even through the toughest storm
you just call out to me
say Jesus I need you
and you'll hear me
just listen for my quiet whisper
in 2010
happiness
we all think we have it
we all say we have it
such liars
and people fall for the acts we put on
when deep down inside
they do the exact same play of a role
and we often wonder
where can i find this entriguing feeling people call happiness?
we search miles and miles
and still cannot seem to find it
is it something we recieve?
something we work for?
something we have to find?
we think happiness only works for big things
i have money
i must be happy
i have somewhere to live
yes, i suppose i am happy
and the little things
the things that spark the fire of happiness
we dim and hide away
those things dont matter
they are but a spec of dust in our lives
foolish people that we are
dont you see the little boy
no home
no family
no warmth
but he still has a smile on his face thats says
i have hope
and that
is happiness
what about the girl who gets bruised
by the untrue images people hammer upon her
but she looks up at the sky everynight
knowing
i have someone who loves me
he gave up his life for me
i am happy
and if only we were stripped of all our belongings
we would learn of happiness
for we would grasp tightly to the hand
which poured out blood for our life
and only then we would see that
nothing else in the world
nothing
can bring you happiness like the grasp of the one
who is the creator of happiness itself.
we all think we have it
we all say we have it
such liars
and people fall for the acts we put on
when deep down inside
they do the exact same play of a role
and we often wonder
where can i find this entriguing feeling people call happiness?
we search miles and miles
and still cannot seem to find it
is it something we recieve?
something we work for?
something we have to find?
we think happiness only works for big things
i have money
i must be happy
i have somewhere to live
yes, i suppose i am happy
and the little things
the things that spark the fire of happiness
we dim and hide away
those things dont matter
they are but a spec of dust in our lives
foolish people that we are
dont you see the little boy
no home
no family
no warmth
but he still has a smile on his face thats says
i have hope
and that
is happiness
what about the girl who gets bruised
by the untrue images people hammer upon her
but she looks up at the sky everynight
knowing
i have someone who loves me
he gave up his life for me
i am happy
and if only we were stripped of all our belongings
we would learn of happiness
for we would grasp tightly to the hand
which poured out blood for our life
and only then we would see that
nothing else in the world
nothing
can bring you happiness like the grasp of the one
who is the creator of happiness itself.
Gods mercy is so much more
so much more than i deserve
it can fill the ocean floor
so why don't i serve
why don't i praise
why don't i seek His face
Hes the only thing that matters
the only reason I'm alive
and even when everything shatters
He holds me with His grace
Why does He love me
why does He care
i cant bring him nothing
i come with empty hands
and He still thinks I'm something
He loves me either way
there's not enough words in the world to say
all the things that fill my heart
when He takes my life
all dull and grey
and brings me brighter days
Even when I'm not faithful
when I'm ungrateful
He looks down on me
and sees a captive who just wants to be free
He doesn't just leave me be
He rescues me
and that's when i realize
that He'll love me no matter who ill be
as long as i come down before Him
on my knees
and surrender openly
When i let go of everything
and give Him control
the leading role
that's when my heart comes clean
and gets filled with the joy that only He can bring
no other worldly thing
can fill that hole in my heart
Hes the only one who puts me back together
when i fall apart
And i hope that someday
you can find Him too
i hope you can realize that His love is true
its the only thing that matters
his deep deep love for YOU
i hope someday
you can feel the joy
the joy that he brings
when your under his wings
just surrender
that's all you have to do
come closer to Him and He'll come closer to you
so much more than i deserve
it can fill the ocean floor
so why don't i serve
why don't i praise
why don't i seek His face
Hes the only thing that matters
the only reason I'm alive
and even when everything shatters
He holds me with His grace
Why does He love me
why does He care
i cant bring him nothing
i come with empty hands
and He still thinks I'm something
He loves me either way
there's not enough words in the world to say
all the things that fill my heart
when He takes my life
all dull and grey
and brings me brighter days
Even when I'm not faithful
when I'm ungrateful
He looks down on me
and sees a captive who just wants to be free
He doesn't just leave me be
He rescues me
and that's when i realize
that He'll love me no matter who ill be
as long as i come down before Him
on my knees
and surrender openly
When i let go of everything
and give Him control
the leading role
that's when my heart comes clean
and gets filled with the joy that only He can bring
no other worldly thing
can fill that hole in my heart
Hes the only one who puts me back together
when i fall apart
And i hope that someday
you can find Him too
i hope you can realize that His love is true
its the only thing that matters
his deep deep love for YOU
i hope someday
you can feel the joy
the joy that he brings
when your under his wings
just surrender
that's all you have to do
come closer to Him and He'll come closer to you
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